Marry Val
TLDR
Seeking a conscientious, kind, physically active, intrinsically motivated, emotionally fit man who is in touch with and ready to act on his desires to create a home and family life (bio kids) with. Must have grit, a bias towards action/problem solving (not rumination) and a glorious sense of humor. Of course I want to have a blast with this man but that activity is useless (to me) if I can’t also rely on him.
Things I cannot tolerate:
1. Indirect communication (the culture I was born into views this as an act of disrespect, and I agree)
2. Lack of courage/willingness to step into the unknown without having everything perfectly figured out first (a big life demands it; not my rules)
Fundamentally I’m looking for a playmate that I can trust, and build and take big swings with (risk tolerance required). 34-48 preferred but always flexible for a great match. I am mostly based in Austin, TX but am fully remote. Monogamous (it’s 2026 so I have to specify). The search is global. Please refer via button below.
Oops I’m on a dating podcast:
That’s right, I said marry. I’m not looking to date around and figure out what’s right for me at the ripe age of 40. I know what I like and what hasn’t worked in the past (although of course I’m always open to being surprised). I’m looking for a man in the same (settling down) life stage who is ready to act decisively and live bigly (yes of course I know that’s not a real word).
About me (Val):
Personality/Temperament (seeking similar)
• Enneagram 8 - The Challenger
• Explorer-Director (Helen Fisher)
• Otrovert (just learned about this one; explains a lot)
• Things I learned from a matchmaker about myself:
- High in personal agency and make decisions easily
- Fully differentiated from my family and do not require their input/approval for decision making
- Do not require social approval (see otrovert, lol)
I hold a lot of opposites (strong, disciplined, organized and love systems but also extremely playful, irreverent, curious, creative, nurturing, intuitive) and am looking for a partner who has a similar amount of range and flexibility, plus pulls equal weight in the ferocity and leadership departments. I am a physical person and am seeking a similarly physical and vital partner. I do not tend to get along with men who live in their minds, are particularly concerned with what others think or who have a low tolerance for risk. I am here to live a big life and would love the privilege of doing that with a well-matched partner.
Ideally, I imagine leading a life where we both have time and bandwidth to talk, learn, properly raise children, spend time outdoors and enjoy the company of plants, animals and a curated crew of dynamic and interesting people. Despite my personality attributes I am not a career boss lady and honestly have very little interest in career—I do it out of necessity and left to my own huge pile of money and devices I would just be gardening the shit out of some beautiful landscape, cooking and eating well and delighting/investing in my family and relationships. I am much more interested in connection than recognition. The thing I am most ambitious about is living well and creating a grounded life filled with health, love, beauty and joy.
(My and hopefully my man’s) Values
• Honesty/directness/irreverence
• Humor/fun/putting yourself out there/social and professional risk
• Health consciousness (action-based, weight training) without neuroses (perfectionism, body obsession)
• Connection to nature and animals
• Physicality and connection to your body, vitality
• Moderation in most things
• Curiosity/exploration/growth/self improvement & learning/
self awareness/accountability
• Money as freedom—not status
• Openness and self-disclosure
(My) Hobbies (just as an FYI)
• Gardening (flower, vegetable, perennial) and composting
• Barton Springs
• The gym (weight training)
• Writing
• Being outside (walking, hiking, sitting outside, soccer, frisbee, snowboarding, etc.)
• Laughing about the insanity of life
• Hosting/gathering people together/performing social experiments
Qualities I would like to avoid in men
• Doesn’t understand/share my sense of humor (which is dry, smart but also real dumb, often filthy)
• Overly cerebral/nerdy/specialistic
• Controlling (either subtly or overtly) and/or uptight, perfectionistic
• Low risk tolerance, makes decisions from a fear/safety baseline, lacks urgency about living life, not action-oriented
• Low self confidence
• Indirect communicator
• Extrinsically motivated/primarily concerned with what other people think (fuck that)
• Mood disorders (particularly depressive, unstable temperament, low vitality)
• Emotionally unregulated and/or immature
• Religious (I am très secular, in case that’s not 1000% obvious)
What I think the purpose of relationships is (we should be aligned on this)
I do not believe relationships are easy and that this is by design: the work is the point and the fruits of that work are what make the relationship fun and worthwhile. (I’m not pro-drudgery for its own sake, but I am pro-challenge as long as there’s something cool to enjoy on the other side.) A capable and effective partner reflects back to you the things you need to work on and where/how you need to grow so you can become your most evolved and powerful self. If you’re not ready to accept that type of accountability without becoming defensive and cannot rise to the challenges it presents, our understanding of our responsibility in intimate relationships is not the same and we shouldn’t be involved with each other. The point of being in a relationship is to serve and elevate each other; if you want to be served, to take without giving (or to always give less because it’s safer), to be admired without acting admirably or to be respected without earning the respect you desire, please stay (far) away from me.
Edit from an old and great friend
“I think it’s worth stating that you are a good fucking time and a very fun hang, whether one-on-one or in a group. You’re not single because you’re not enjoyable.” -Matty Cavs
That’s it. I’m confident you’ll know from the above if there’s a possible match or if I’ll make the man you were thinking of referring want to cry and run away (not ideal).
I haven’t written about the physical attraction/preferences because I can take care of that compatibility aspect myself. What I’m looking for help with here is the character/substance piece. It would take a lot off my plate to know that someone is somewhat pre-vetted based on the above. Support the arts; support my household composting dreams; make a romantic referral (or just share this link with someone in your circle or your group chat; see more below).
HOW TO MAKE A ROMANTIC REFERRAL
Simply click this button and fill out the short form:
Thank you for your assistance with this exciting and delicious matter.
ANOTHER WAY TO HELP
I get it, you can’t think of anyone to refer at this time.
That’s fine, but if I let you off the hook with that I’ll probably get married when I’m 300, which is not what I’m going for because by then I’ll be dead. Instead of this outcome, please share this link/page/whatever it’s called with one interesting and trusted friend. Just one! It’s so easy, just do it. Or, even better, drop it into your most delectable group chat. People know other people, and the sooner we can get me off the market the sooner I can stop writing these posts and roping you into my romance schemes.
Here’s some sample text. Use as is or make it your own:
Hi (name of your friend), my friend/acquaintance/some random woman named Val is looking for a husband and asked me to share her post about it with an interesting and trusted person in my network and/or my coolest group chat. Please read it and keep sharing it so Val can 1. get married and 2. get off my nuts about getting married. Thanks for helping out!
Other clarifications
Yes I am very open to younger men and really enjoy their energy/positivity
When I say I want kids I mean having my own biological kids
Please only refer men you admire
Love is not blind. You can creep me on instagram if you feel that this is necessary
The talent search is global as I am location independent
Why is this so urgent?
I’m at once in a big rush and willing to wait as long as it takes for a real fit. I think the advice to women to just live their lives (queen!) and channel all their nurturing energy towards themselves (or their rescue animals, lord!) is how you say… dumb. I am decently functional in my independence and know how to nurture myself, my health and my hobbies but I also love having someone to come home to, have inside jokes with, create rituals with, fall asleep next to, play with, bother for petting services, travel with etc. etc. etc. The idea that I would walk around pretending that I don’t want or need this or that a domesticated animal satisfies my very human needs, lest I appear desirous of something more than I currently have (OH NO!), is pure idiocy.
If there were someone out there that you could live a fantastic life with, wouldn’t you want to meet them and start that season of life as soon as possible instead of going to the store and buying another fig tree or dog toy so you can pretend you love being alone? Girl, please.
I could just sit back and wait for the “right person” (a false concept) to fall into my lap but at this rate I’ll be eligible for the vampiric council by the time that happens. I prefer a fortune favors the bold approach, hence this doc.